Soul Used and Lost
by Pasha
Summary: Jean and darkness


Sadness, swirling, swaying, falling, lost in its embrace forgetting the passage of time. The moon watched silently through the leaves of the tall tree outside. Dappled moonlight played across the pale skin of the woman sitting on the bed.  
  
Tendrils of liquid fire fell over her shoulders and over her naked breasts. She looked up at the window, it was half open and a gentle breeze was playing about the grounds of the mansion. The sickly sweet scent of poppies drifted through the window on the warm breath of the wind, enveloping her as if it were a lover's caress.  
  
She stared blankly outside, her own thoughts tormenting her. How she hated having to look in the mirror, hated having to reflect on her actions, and what her own brazen passion had cost her. She stood up and the cream covers slumped lifelessly from her angelic form and lay slumped over the edge of the bed.  
  
She walked over to the balcony doors and pulled them open wide, letting the summer night consume her. Soft music played in the background… echoing her thoughts. Betrayal, fear, secrecy, she had hidden this for so long. It never felt wrong in the start, maybe it was because he didn't know, or didn't want to know… she could care less which it was, it didn't matter now, he was lost to her forever.  
  
Turning her back to the window, and the solace that only deepest night seemed to offer she strode across her room. Glaring at her from the corner of her eye was the mirror. The hated mirror, ever the betrayer. Reflect, show yourself, bare your soul to me, lose yourself in me and find the truth in me… it whispered to her. She had seen, and she had hated what was there.  
  
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, where she once would have seen beauty, she now saw only foul corruption. The way the moonlight hugged her skin, highlighting her curves and how the shadows hid her face, letting only her eyes illuminate it, that was lost to her.  
  
She had forgotten who had told her, but who ever it was, was very wise. To share your body is to share your soul, be careful, or you'll be lost. She was lost, her love was gone, and her soul was gone.  
  
She stared at the person in the mirror. Suddenly, with a cry of anguish that only the betrayed of the earth can utter she brought her had up and smashed it into the too perfect reflection of the harlot in the mirror. Glass shattered and the shards rained down over the floor.  
  
Sinking to her knees she stared into the glass, and many faces stared back. She reached and picked up a piece. It felt cool against her skin, in stark contrast with the warm summer night.  
  
Returning to her bed she wrapped the cream covers about herself. With a silent cry she brought the sharp edge of the glass to her wrist. There was some initial resistance, and then it slid coolly and cleanly through her ivory flesh. Warm bloods seeped around the shard and then flowed freely as she removed the glass in order to perform the same act on her other wrist. Finished she threw the glass to the floor, where it shattered.  
  
She looked at the warm red fluid that flowed in what seemed like rivers from her body. How odd, she thought, I would have thought it to hurt. She lay back on her pillows and stared up at the ceiling and it's mosaic of stars, painted during a much happier time in her life, before Logan, when only Scott existed. They had laughed, she remembered, both covered in paint, he had… he had… her eyes closed slowly, finally, music softly singing her elegy.  
  
  
  
When the dark wood fell before me  
  
And all the paths were overgrown  
  
When the priests of pride say there is no other way  
  
I tilled the sorrows of stone.  
  
I did not believe because I could not see  
  
Though you came to me in the night  
  
When the dawn seemed forever lost  
  
You showed me your love in the light of the stars.  
  
Cast your eyes on the ocean  
  
Cast your soul to the sea  
  
When the dark nights seem endless  
  
Please remember me  
  
Then the mountain rose before me  
  
By the deep well of desire  
  
From the fountains of forgiveness  
  
Beyond the ice and the fire  
  
Cast your eyes on the ocean  
  
Cast your soul to the sea  
  
When the dark night seems endless  
  
Please remember me  
  
Though we share this humble path, alone  
  
How fragile is the heart  
  
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly  
  
To touch the face of the stars  
  
Breathe life into this feeble heart  
  
Lift this mortal veil of fear  
  
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears  
  
We'll rise above these earthly cares  
  
Cast your eyes on the ocean  
  
Cast your soul to the sea  
  
When the dark night seems endless  
  
Please remember me… please remember me.  
  
Loreena McKennitt  
  
The Book of Secrets  
  
©1997  
  
Outside a brief summer shower started and the brief summer cold took hold as the earth and sky mourned for their lost child. 


End file.
